The Key To Connecting With Others


Key To Connecting With Others

Don’t count the number of close relationships you have, count the quality of them.

Don’t talk on automatic pilot. Focus in and listen.

Don’t always offer your opinion. Try asking more questions. Or be silent.

Don’t tell someone else that you know how they’re feeling. You don’t. Just be empathetic.

Don’t ask generic questions. Show a real interest in the other person. Which means that you actually have to ask some personal questions. If you don’t know how to do that, start making a list of ‘questions to ask’.

Don’t grandstand and pretend. Be vulnerable and authentic.

Don’t feel the need to prove your point. Even when you’re 99.9% sure that you’re right, tell the other person ‘ Perhaps’ or ‘You may be right’ when you’re headed towards a heated conversation.

Don’t stay in your head. It will keep you closed down and serious. Rather – take some deep breaths, smile, and focus in on entering a dialogue or ‘just being’ in the presence of another individual with the goals of listening, learning, and connecting.


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  1. What beautiful advice Fran! I’m striving to ask more questions and listen more deeply. I also want to “get out of my thoughts” and simply be in the present moment with others, sinking into the pleasure of the interaction. Thanks again for this wisdom!

    • Martine- Once you become aware of how much time you’re spending in ‘you head’, it becomes easier to catch it and nudge your ‘thinking’ self to sink into just ‘being’. All it takes is desire and persistence. 🙂 Fran

  2. Wonderful suggestions here, Fran. It is important to focus on the other person, rather than think about your next comment. Not always easy to do, but worth the effort. Great reminder – thanks!

    • Cathy-
      How true. And isn’t it amazing that even though we know that, how easy it is to be in automatic pilot and get ready to respond with our answer without fully listening to another? But it’s only in catching ourselves doing it that we can make the changes – persistence and desire is all it takes to make these changes. Have a beautiful holiday weekend. Fran

  3. Sometimes, even the smallest gestures help you connect with others.

    • David-
      How true. When you’re a recipient of that ‘small gesture’, it can transform your feelings for the rest of the day. Fran


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